The time of surgery was set at my pre-op for 7:30 am on Wednesday the 27th. Now this is both good and bad. Good because I will have my DR fresh off a good nights rest, bad because I have to be there at 6am & Denver is about a 2 hour drive from my house. So with less than 72 hours to go there is a theme word - Anxious.
For the last few weeks I was happily distracted by my annual camping trip. I in fact put off my surgery until after it, I figured if this could be my last 'camp mustard' I wasn't going to miss it. My friends are so supportive. They had a green ribbon added to our t-shirts, they wore green bandannas, and they had kidney cancer bracelets on. It was very humbling to see their small but so deeply meaningful gestures. We were able to joke about Bertha, and what effects she has on my body. They helped put me totally at ease with everything. I love those people! I am grateful to have them in my life.
The last week has been getting all my work responsibilities in order, and making sure my house would be ready for my return. Now that all that is pretty much done I'm anxious. I had a wonderful pre-op appointment on Friday with my DR. Joy had us very prepared for the question and answer portion. She took notes and I am going into it fully aware of everything I felt I needed to know. I am still anxious beyond measure mostly because I want it over. Much like when my biopsy loomed in the future I wanted time to hurry up so I would have that part done. I don't want to do any of this. I don't want to have cancer, I don't want to loose my kidney, I don't want to have surgery I however do not have a choice. So since I have to I just want to get this party started- lets get in, get it out & move on. Cancer thought it wanted to dance with me - This will be our LAST dance. I don't want to put on a false face, I am scared but I am ready to face my fear and tell it to sit down and shut up. I'm reminded of something I heard once - Isn't brave if you aren't scared. Well if that is the case I am sure brave.
I'm 33, I have cancer and I am a anxious but brave woman.
Life is fragile - Say your I Love You's.
Could you maybe stay the night in Denver before your surgery? Just a thought to try to help. I will be thinking about you....and please keep your blog updated on how things are going since we dont talk often. I will pray for a successful surgery and fast recovery. Much love. -John and Tina
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